IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

This time our friend Kate has a moment.

KATE: last night my friend matt gave me a tattoo of our boss… it’s kind of really amazing

BRAD: wait what

KATE: with all professional equipment, of course

BRAD: what does “a tattoo of our boss” mean
BRAD: is there a bald guy on your ass
BRAD: or a guy on your bald ass

KATE: our boss is a tiny korean man and we draw little cartoons of him all the time
KATE: and his name is No
KATE: so i have a tiny korean man on one of those old bikes from the 20s
KATE: and his hands are off the bars and it says “No Hands”
KATE: i make bad decisions sometimes, but I’m pretty stoked on them.

Click to see the tattoo, after the jump… (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

This time Brad gets both Kathy and Alan MX to say his name in frustration.

ALAN MX: i didnt know facebook was in america

BRAD: it started in america!
BRAD: i’ve been on facebook since 2003!

ALAN MX: did it? really?
ALAN MX: i am so dumb

BRAD: yeah, everything starts in America
BRAD: websites, corporations, racism…

ALAN MX: you remember when i asked you if there were potatoes in america? (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

KATHY: i just got an e-mail titled “be like ron jeremy” and all i’m picturing is looking at myself in the mirror with a big fake moustache

BRAD: fake?

KATHY: yes, on top of the large handlebar moustache i have now.
KATHY: that’s why it’s funny.
KATHY: two ‘staches.

BRAD: oh
BRAD: yeah i can see how that’s amusing
BRAD: kinda

KATHY: god you’re dumb. (more…)

Err… the internet ate this post. Oh well. Here’s what the entire point of it was.

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

KATHY: god i hate the weight watchers website
KATHY: i looked up their article on what to do with your wardrobe when you’ve lost weight but you’re not done yet and their suggestion is: CARGO PANTS
KATHY: “buy them snug and wear them until they’re baggy!”
KATHY: NO. FUCK YOU.

BRAD: i don’t know why you hate cargo pants so much
BRAD: they’re practical and fashionable.
BRAD: why leave your worldly items at home for the day when you can take everything with you in seventeen cargo pockets?

KATHY: then they suggest wearing heels and getting your eyebrows shaped.
KATHY: my eyebrows look great, but my ASS IS OUT
KATHY: ON THE SUBWAY

BRAD: i need to touch up my makeup. cargo pants!
BRAD: i want to have a tea party right here on the street. well, i just happen to have a table and chairs and tea set right here in my handy cargo pants!
BRAD: need a ride to the airport? there’s a mazda in my cargo pants! (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

This time it’s with entertainment writer Gurj Bassi.

GURJ: how ru
GURJ: superstar

BRAD: im gd hw ru lv u mn it

GURJ: u mn it
GURJ: wot

BRAD: sorry, I am just so famous now I have to conserve vowels.

GURJ: conserve vowels. more like conserve bowels. (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

BRAD: another one bites the dust.

KATHY: YES

BRAD: straight dude from high school, gay on Facebook
BRAD: I feel like a pioneer

KATHY: I’m trying so hard to think of a joke that includes Oregon Trail
KATHY: Whoregon Trail?
KATHY: can we go with that?
KATHY: instead of hunting bison, they hunt bears.

BRAD: instead of trading things for wheels of cheese, they trade it for sex with other men.

KATHY: “BRUCE has a pulled groin muscle. Lose three days and a fierce white party invitation.”

BRAD: “MARGARET CHO has typhoid.”
BRAD: “LANCE has flourished.”

KATHY: “TOM FORD The River, a new scent available at Barney’s”

BRAD: “…for the low price of two oxen and a wagon wheel.”
BRAD: so last night a Mercedes Benz picked us up to go to their party with Sheryl Crow and two amazing things happened… (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

BRAD: Yahoo news headline: “More Americans turning to Bible for financial advice”
BRAD: related: “More Americans stupid”

KATHY: related: “Stock market in the Shitter”

BRAD: let’s trust the financial advice of a source that says you can trade a rape for some sheep.
BRAD: and that one tenth of your income should be given to it, no questions asked
BRAD: …that’s what a pimp does. (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

BRAD: hi kathy. hi jes.

JES: chat rooms = so 7th grade. hi.

BRAD: so, general question to the ladies:
BRAD: who here is wearing apple bottom jeans?
BRAD: boots with the fur?

KATHY: i’m wearing baggy sweatpants and reeboks.
KATHY: you know.
KATHY: the ones with the straps.

JES: Reeboks with the straps, right here. Day glow orange thanks

KATHY: oh my god, so embarassing
KATHY: we are wearing the same outfit

BRAD: i had this friend who wore that once
BRAD: she was on the dance floor
BRAD: her name was shorty.

KATHY: did she get low?

BRAD: oh, she got low… (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

Robyn on February 5 at New York’s Highline Ballroom. More photos at the bottom of this post.

KATHY: If you told me ten years ago that I was going to pay twice the face value for a ticket to see the girl who sings “Show Me Love” I would’ve hit you.

BRAD: BUT SHE WAS SO GOOD!

KATHY: Completely agreed. But I mean, we paid. Like literal money.

BRAD: I know, when was the last time we paid for a show?
BRAD: I mean, “Show Me Love” as an encore was kinda funny. But it was different, at least.

KATHY: But it was SHOW ME LOVE. (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

BRAD: my fat elbow hurts

KATHY: poor fat elbow

BRAD: my left elbow has a bit more flab to it because i bumped it or something. you know. you felt my fat elbow yesterday.

KATHY: not willingly.

BRAD: oh sure
BRAD: you felt them up comparing and then said “yep, that’s a fat elbow.”
BRAD: today i’m wearing a black button down and an awesome vest but the sleeves are rolled up and my fat elbow is open to the world. i feel like everybody is staring at my fat elbow.
BRAD: they’re all gonna laugh at me
BRAD: (and my fat elbow)

KATHY: if you say those words to me one more time i’m going to put a jar on your desk that you have to put a quarter in every time you say it

BRAD: why do you have such a prejudice against fat elbows?
BRAD: why are you so afraid to discuss corpulent-american joints?
BRAD: you, madame, are a racist.
BRAD: and you can kiss my fat elbow!

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

KATHY: okay SANDRA LEE you can’t have every recipe ever start with “a bag of sugar cookie mix.”
KATHY: then add tuna
KATHY: put it in a crock pot
KATHY: top with coolwhip
KATHY: and decorate your table for eight or nine hours

BRAD: shake a bag of croutons over top
BRAD: serve with a wine glass full of cold canned chili

KATHY: it’s so easy and elegant! just add the powder from a box of mac and cheese and serve!
KATHY: mix ramen “flavor” with water for a cheap stew!
KATHY: now light every candle you own and put it on your plate

BRAD: mix kraft cheese powder with tonic water and shake it in a ziploc bag with a go-gurt and voila!
BRAD: drop in some quarters and a maraschino cherry

KATHY: get taco bell! buy a new house!

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

KATHY: i’ve had ‘santa baby’ stuck in my head since this morning

BRAD: the song or the baby
BRAD: eartha kitt sang that. was she on batman?

KATHY: yeah, wasn’t she the original cat woman?

BRAD: i thought julie newmar was the original catwoman
BRAD: actually, i was the first catwoman.

KATHY: actually, abraham lincoln was the first catwoman, and then he liberated all the other catwomen.

BRAD: actually, martin luther was the first catwoman and he posted 95 theses on catwomen.
BRAD: he posted them on my bathroom wall, actually.
BRAD: right on my mirror, wrote them in lipstick

KATHY: actually, darwin was the first catwoman after several generations of sabertooth tigerwomen

BRAD: actually, a pterodactyl was my mother and i am a pterodactyl and i freed all the catladies from under the bed before beds even existed so just shut up and deal with my greatness

KATHY: actually, garfield was the first catwoman but he’s an F-T-M and doesn’t like to talk about it.
KATHY: so stay out of his business.

BRAD: anyway. eartha kitt is made of beef jerky. (more…)

IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

KATHY: I’m tired of thinking about boys. It’s all I’ve thought about for the past two weeks, and I’m beginning to worry I’ll lose other knowledge.
KATHY: Like oops, I remember every hot guy on the subway, but where can I connect to the F train?

BRAD: Sounds to me like you’re too busy worrying about how to connect to the F in the first place,
BRAD: and how to transfer the D to the V

KATHY: Was that innuendo?

BRAD: B, D, F, and V
BRAD: Basically your mind is the Broadway/Lafayette stop

KATHY: Hey, yeah.
KATHY: We take the perviest train line.

BRAD: Big metal phalluses coming and going, the hectic hub of B, D, F, and V…
BRAD: that’s you. (more…)