Escargot. My Cargo. Pants.
IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.
KATHY: god i hate the weight watchers website
KATHY: i looked up their article on what to do with your wardrobe when you’ve lost weight but you’re not done yet and their suggestion is: CARGO PANTS
KATHY: “buy them snug and wear them until they’re baggy!”
KATHY: NO. FUCK YOU.
BRAD: i don’t know why you hate cargo pants so much
BRAD: they’re practical and fashionable.
BRAD: why leave your worldly items at home for the day when you can take everything with you in seventeen cargo pockets?
KATHY: then they suggest wearing heels and getting your eyebrows shaped.
KATHY: my eyebrows look great, but my ASS IS OUT
KATHY: ON THE SUBWAY
BRAD: i need to touch up my makeup. cargo pants!
BRAD: i want to have a tea party right here on the street. well, i just happen to have a table and chairs and tea set right here in my handy cargo pants!
BRAD: need a ride to the airport? there’s a mazda in my cargo pants!
KATHY: oh these pants no longer fit. look, i have more pants in my pants pockets!
KATHY: they’re like nesting dolls.
BRAD: these are my cargo pants pants!
KATHY: and in the pockets are more pants!
KATHY: more ugly pants for you!
BRAD: ugly?
BRAD: i’d like to buy the world a cargo pant!
KATHY: I HATE “PANT”
KATHY: singular
BRAD: i love a good pant.
KATHY: i HATE IT when people say that
KATHY: that makes me ill
KATHY: like
KATHY: i wretch
KATHY: retch?
KATHY: is there a w in that?
BRAD: no W
BRAD: there are W’s in my cargo pants, however
BRAD: there is a world of excess letters in here.
KATHY: i have letters you’ve never even heard of in my cargo pockets.
BRAD: A, B, C, D, E, F, JOR
KATHY: DOUBLEMEX and SPREE and LOOMBA
KATHY: all secret letters
BRAD: hidden for years in the vast caverns of your trendy and high fashion cargo pants.
KATHY: buy them snug!
KATHY: wear them til they’re baggy!
BRAD: from a yahoo news article about a fight in iraq: “The area has seen some of the fiercest fighting since a government offensive against the militias in Basra began March 25.”
BRAD: that word is totally lost now.
BRAD: all i can see is tyra slapping
KATHY: ooooh gurl, i’ll qaeda YOU
BRAD: KISS. MY. FAT ASS!
BRAD: christian burning people with a flatiron
BRAD: and harvey firestein in an open hawaiian shirt running around pushing people
KATHY: so many wigs
BRAD: women and trannies gone helter skelter knocking out insurgents with one hand and patting their itchy weaves with the other
KATHY: this is why hipsters wear those keffiyehs
KATHY: fierce fighting.
KATHY: apparently one of the most effective methods of whitening your teeth is eating strawberries
KATHY: that’s awesome
BRAD: one of the most effective methods of me hating you is you speaking to me.
KATHY: i love strawberries!
April 16th, 2008at 12:23 pm
“They’re like nesting dolls.”
Aw, don’t hate on the matrioshkas!
But seriously, this post made me snort out loud. Never, EVER go to WW for fashion or beauty advice. I was looking at their magazine on the newsstand last week. One of the “makeover” articles was about giving a woman who had lost weight a fresh-faced look. She looked haggard in her before picture. And haggard with pink lipstick in her after picture. Terrible.
And why don’t they ever want to give anyone a Fierce Tranny look?? Why?
April 16th, 2008at 4:51 pm
Hey — don’t you all know someone who won a design challenge of making over favorite outfit of someone who lost weight ?
April 16th, 2008at 4:54 pm
yeah, but he also has dozens of new celebrity clients and gets paid thousands to do things like that, so we’re not bugging him with our own little minutiae.
April 17th, 2008at 1:05 am
camo cargos….there’s nothing better than these bad boys
April 17th, 2008at 9:47 am
is that an inflatable mattress in my pants? or my hips & ass? no one will know for sure.
April 19th, 2008at 1:52 am
literal lols.
I love you and your witty banter.
I want to put you both in my cargo pant pockets and take you out when I need a good laugh.
April 20th, 2008at 1:44 am
the worst thing about this post is that i actually think that maybe i’ll purchase a pair of cargo pants.
June 26th, 2008at 4:07 pm
you guys need to do more of these, they’re hilarious.
August 10th, 2008at 8:54 pm
CHECK OUT MY SITE. I JUST PURCHASED THIS COMPANY AND WILL SOON BE ADDING A TON OF INVENTORY. www.CARGOPANTS.COM
June 25th, 2009at 10:56 pm
But he also has dozens of new celebrity clients and gets paid thousands to do things like that, so we’re not bugging him with our own little minutiae.
July 19th, 2009at 9:02 am
thanks you