I tried not to do this but dude is a fucking CLASS ACT so it’s called for. A couple weeks ago this kid T unfriended Kathy and then posted a Myspace bulletin (so that she wouldn’t see) saying that his tiny shitty party was a HUGE SUCCESS because there was nobody in the room over a size 10. He often says things like this and then apologizes to Kathy in person, or apologizes for ruining her $500 chair at our house party by throwing up on it and promising to replace it and never following through. He’s so worried about what she thinks of him but he refuses to learn from his mistakes. Let it be known that T is indeed skinny but also ugly, annoying to everyone, and covered in volcano acne.

After (I thought) it was clear that we want to have nothing to do with him, he continued to text me. Today I got an invite to a party he’s trying desperately to glue together. I replied that his attitude is “shitty and classless, when are you going to get a fucking brain?”

T replied as though I were the one who deigned to speak to his sorry ass first with “mind your own business slut.”

Me: “Have fun with your monster acne.”

And then he threatened to hit me, which is funny because he’s a pussywillow blowing in the gayest of pussy breezes, and because if he ever tried to lay an eyelash on me he’d find his ass in jail. I don’t fight back, I get hit and then someone goes to jail and pays me a lump cash sum. So please hit me, dude, because I need a new stereo.