IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

BRAD: Yahoo news headline: “More Americans turning to Bible for financial advice”
BRAD: related: “More Americans stupid”

KATHY: related: “Stock market in the Shitter”

BRAD: let’s trust the financial advice of a source that says you can trade a rape for some sheep.
BRAD: and that one tenth of your income should be given to it, no questions asked
BRAD: …that’s what a pimp does.

KATHY: god says you don’t really need your house anyway.
KATHY: no, it’s cool. the bible also says you can’t wear two fibers at once, so obviously we should obey its financial advice.

BRAD: shop at fashion bug for cute fashions, you’ll like the fashions at fashion bug. give your savings to the church. oh and btw don’t wear any cotton/poly bc u go 2 hell kthxbai
BRAD: so spaketh me, & stuff

KATHY: i just don’t understand what part of the bible people are turning to
KATHY: god renamed saul paul, and I renamed these Benjamins mine.

BRAD: i clicked the link to read but it turned out to be a video that i didn’t want to watch so i have no idea.

KATHY: also according to yahoo news, there’s a town in japan called Obama
KATHY: actually, the headline is just “Japan’s Obama towns dances for U.S. namesake”
KATHY: which barely makes sense
KATHY: according to the story, also, his winning “steak” ended.
KATHY: i fear robots are writing our news.

BRAD: that steak really gave it a good run, though

KATHY: that steak was the best craps player i ever did see.

BRAD: if i were grading it, i’d give it an A1
BRAD: he was a tender fella!
BRAD: and other such meat-related quips.

KATHY: BA-ZING.

BRAD: oh man now i want a big fat steak
BRAD: a winning steak

KATHY: it is 10:42 in the morning and the mention of steak makes you want a t-bone.

BRAD: what can i say, I like meat

KATHY: this just makes me want to hypnotize you.
KATHY: because it would clearly be so easy

BRAD: you are right

KATHY: i would make you do such terrible things.

BRAD: have you forgotten that i am the one who saw a red lobster commercial on a sunday morning and drove an hour to queens to get some coconut-crusted shrimp
BRAD: and you know what happens when i see burger king commercials

KATHY: okay but seriously, i just told someone that story and he said that he had a friend that did the exact same thing with red lobster!
KATHY: they are doing something shady and subconscious.

BRAD: was “someone” you and is the “friend” me?

KATHY: no, a legitimate OTHER PERSON!

BRAD: because if so, you should just know i’m not really your friend

KATHY: no, this is so much more than that.
KATHY: i agree.

BRAD: i just keep you around because you think our rent is twice what it actually is and i let you unwittingly pay the full amount every month

KATHY: you are such a joker.
KATHY: i love how we can joke like this.

BRAD: so i have more money to spend on tricks and playtime
BRAD: pricks and teatime
BRAD: hicks and me-time

KATHY: and me!
KATHY: you’re so sweet.

BRAD: i want a steak.