IMpersonals are daily AIM conversations between your Editors, because copying and pasting is much easier and usually more entertaining than thinking of something of substance to say.

This time Brad talks to his mom, who is not even married, about nothing, for far too long.

MOM: what you want

BRAD: for some reason you’re in “cleveland people” and not in “family”

MOM: you must think of me more like a faraway friend than yo mama
MOM: guess what i’m getting you for christmas this year
MOM: same thing i got you last year [a nightstand that she never delivered]
MOM: did you wait till after halloween this year to put your xmas decorations up?

BRAD: yeah
BRAD: but only because the house was already plastered with halloween stuff
BRAD: there was no room for a tree
BRAD: we went to the dollar store and spent $50 on decorations.
BRAD: because we are idiots

MOM: omg, yes you are…
MOM: [friend] was asking if i was going to decorate for halloween
MOM: uh, no.
MOM: how about christmas?
MOM: not likely.

BRAD: not even a tree?

MOM: the tree is ready to go… just have to drag it out of the closet

BRAD: what is up in the basement? still [my brother’s] crap? does he hang out down there?
BRAD: or is it now just completely a hostel

MOM: [brother’s friend] is living in the basement…. because he is a troll
MOM: under the stairs
MOM: hostile hostel

BRAD: hey i did that for a year

MOM: oh yeah, troll
MOM: it will be a lot of work dragging that tree all the way down the stairs
MOM: and then putting all the ornaments on it
MOM: but i’m a trooper, i’ll do it
MOM: and will it be appreciated? no.

BRAD: so you will be trying to fit you, [brother], [friend], zeke [dog], and presents in the mini cooper?

MOM: i have no freakin’ idea
MOM: rent a party bus
MOM: you forgot [friend], Maggie [other dog], and eliot [sick cat] too

BRAD: oh right
BRAD: and i will give you a sweater in a box with a tag still on it and a gift receipt

MOM: ok, make sure it doesn’t suit my taste at all
MOM: maybe some sparkles and dangly shit

BRAD: and a mink face on the collar

MOM: with his mouth open, screaming

BRAD: no, winking

MOM: like the cat you ran over with the car [when I was two]
MOM: screaming and winking
MOM: oh, and nice pics on junk of you rolling around on the floor

BRAD: yeah
BRAD: did you read about that

MOM: yes, shameful drunkenness

BRAD: at least i was doing that in the back room
BRAD: instead of on the dance floor

MOM: kathy’s funny
MOM: yeah, and it’s better to post the pics on your site before they’re posted elsewhere
MOM: i love those im’s you’ve been posting lately [these]

BRAD: i could do one from this

MOM: that’s probably the only reason you im’d me
MOM: the question i have is
MOM: you and kathy live together, party together, and work together
MOM: when the hell would you im each other

BRAD: usually i go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet and start typing

MOM: and she’s right round the corner in her room?

BRAD: actually most of the time we can see and/or hear each other
BRAD: but we’ve been doing this since before we ever published them
BRAD: parents just don’t understand

MOM: it’s a great way to snark on people without them knowing about it

BRAD: “snark on”

MOM: i haven’t watched perez’s show, have you

BRAD: no

MOM: i want to, but every time i see him i just want to slap him

BRAD: he’s responsible for a lot of my music being heard though!

MOM: true
MOM: i liked him on posh’s show though, he made me laugh
MOM: i don’t know why i watch this crap

BRAD: he sends me youtube links when he’s on tv but either they go to my phone and i can’t watch them or i get them on my laptop where video playback is terrible and i never try
BRAD: so i rarely see his tv stuff
BRAD: and the only time i watch regular tv in front of the tv is simpsons on weekdays
BRAD: i don’t really know why i pay for cable.

MOM: i’ve been forced to watch 2-1/2 men every night
MOM: i don’t know why i pay for netflix
MOM: huh, i see on my yahoo homepage that lead is being found in many brand-name lipsticks.
MOM: damn chinese are putting lead in everything… war
MOM: trying to make us toopid
MOM: you decide yet to go ahead and vote obama?
MOM: since taking antidepressants, i’ve become the most laid back person on earth
MOM: don’t you wish i had done this when you were 3?

BRAD: if you had i might have burned the house down with my chemistry set

MOM: or with your wastebasket
MOM: all that incense you burned… hippie child
MOM: remember how much fun we had watching peewee together?

BRAD: they’re apparently making a peewee movie

MOM: why is it when has-beens turn 40 something, they think people will magically become interested in them again?

BRAD: i don’t know, why did you IM me

MOM: i didn’t
MOM: you did
MOM: shut up
MOM: did you see that bonaduce clip where he throws that survivor guy over his head?
MOM: it looked so effortless

BRAD: yeah
BRAD: he really hurt him
BRAD: but he deserved it

MOM: redheads are dangerous
MOM: don’t mess with them
MOM: ’specially redheads on massive amounts of steroids and drugs
MOM: got any music you’ll let us hear soon?

BRAD: not yet

MOM: having a hard time fitting songwriting in between 4:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.?

BRAD: pretty much

MOM: baby
MOM: enjoy this while you can.. as soon as you turn 30 you will find yourself falling asleep in the lay-z-boy at 5:00 p.m. wearing your wifebeater and holding a beer

BRAD: i know
BRAD: i’m already getting there

MOM: k, i’m gonna go - gotta catch up on some blogs

BRAD: ok

MOM: love you pie

BRAD: love you too

MOM: bye bye now