The Best of Craigslist Personals—Real Ads, Real Gross
by Kathy Cacace

Craigslist is a horny hotbed of personal ads. It has to be the no-frills anonymity compelling the crazies to fill page after page with strange, demanding, borderline terrifying requests for love. Below, I’ve gathered and tried to explain my favorite headlines from recent M4W posts.

Actually, this week I just couldn’t deal with another round of glorified johns, perverts and mustachioed casanovas. Instead, I’ve headed over to the W4M ads because seriously, Craigsladies are just as crazy.

Travel Companion Wanted For European Trip – White Males Are Welcome - 31 (NYC)
Tongan men will be considered trespassers and shot on sight.

where are all the italian men at
Italy.

where have all the cowboys gone.. probly texas cuz IMMA Jerzi Gurl – 19
Yeah, that’s what Paula Cole was saying if you play “Do dodo do dodo do dodo do dodo” backwards.

I AM BORED !!! KEEP MEETING ROBOTS…ANY THINKERS AROUND? - 45
Seriously, every time I leave the house it’s like I go to Starbucks, wait in line, order my skim macchiato with an extra shot, and the cute guy behind the counter is all like, wink, Starbucks doesn’t need to know about that extra shot and he gives it to me for free, and then I get all excited because I’ve had like a real moment, and I smooth my hair and he makes my drink and smiles really big as he hands it across the counter but then my finger grazes his thumb and it is COLD STEEL. Again! Another robot! They’re everywhere!

The Little Things We Forget……………….. – 30
I SWEAR they were right here…

The Following Words & Phrases Are Not in Your Vocab:
Level 3 Mage
Aspiring actor
2 girls, 1 cup
Juggalo*
Analingus*
84 years young

*(thanks Brad!)

Any guy looking to take a fomer model to see Duran Duran? - 28 (Downtown)
Yes, but I think he works in Miami with his partner on big drug busts in 1985.

Harold and Maude (except I’m young) – 23
…So I’m searching for an infant for taboo romance.

flannel sheets and hot cocoa. - 21
Are you seeking the flu?

Explain frightened men
Like regular men, but more skittish.

SAW wants even more to be grateful for on Thanksgiving - 39 (NNJ)
SAW DEMANDS EVEN MORE TREES TO FELL. SAW WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR AN ABUNDANCE OF OAK. SAW LOVES STUMPS.

How about you click on this one?
How about you GET OFF MY BACK, YOU HARPY. JEEZus.

I’m a little teapot…….SAF
Those are not the lyrics I recall from my childhood. I can only assume what comes next is something like: “Here is my handle…swear I’m not a shemale.”

Today’s E for Effort award goes to a woman who has tried so hard to jazz up her ad she sounds like an actual predator. I crossed my legs instinctively while reading this and I don’t even have a penis to protect against her middle-aged onslaught.

Cougar needs good veternarian – 54
Lunatic feline seeks dumb newbie for mental masterbation. Lets see…..I’ve decided my mind is beautiful. My age changes as often as my personalities do. I love to have Harley and tattoo’d guys buy me dinner. I need a pic first so I can add it to my twisted collection. I’m looking a younger guy cause men my age are too smart for me. Please be gulible and pay for everything as I never seem to have money. If your your new to this site please fall for my line of crap and you too could be my next meal. And oh BTW keep an eye out for my new personality of the week. I was thinking maybe a shark ?? Hmmm….the possibilites seem endless.