By Brad Walsh [Archives]

Another update from the Week That Feels Like Three: Molly Sims is stunning, Lisa Rinna’s lips are what the gates to Hell are made of, Stacy London shouldn’t be allowed to tell anyone what not to wear, Carrie Underwood has forehead for days but is very nice and reminds me of home, and Patrick McDonald was born to be photographed. Mya still covers her mouth in photos even though she had her teeth fixed. There have been three photographers I wanted to bone thus far. I was interviewed by a Scandinavian entertainment show and they apologized for not being something more exciting than that. Kimora… Kimora, man. What’s up, Kimora? Eric Balfour is nineteen feet tall and a living dream. Diesel was my favorite show thus far, and the seat gift “bag” was a box of laundry detergent. I overheard a girl with eyes hidden by blonde bangs say she wished the blue powder inside was food-colored cocaine. That “Rip It” energy drink tastes really good and wakes me right up, which is nice, because there is so much of it for free all over and I can’t remember the last time I slept right. Tess is my bitch and I am her dog. Ingrid Sischy is still my fucking favorite.